


always

by xanster



Series: Deja Vu No Matter The World [7]
Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-10
Updated: 2015-11-10
Packaged: 2018-04-30 23:27:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5183735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xanster/pseuds/xanster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love is more than just a feeling.<br/>It is made of promises, of words, of actions.<br/>It is made of happiness and pain.<br/>Most of all, it is made of hellos and then,<br/>farewells.</p>
            </blockquote>





	always

**Author's Note:**

> Angst and yes, death.  
> I didn't want to use the general warnings because this I think this is more bittersweet than sad; and above all, I hope it expresses love as how it is in all its various forms.  
> Love to Yunho and Changmin, always.

1.

2011

Changmin had always prided himself on taking good care of his health. 

It was Yunho who he worried about; the irregular eating habits, the smoking, the insomnia, the various injuries that he picked up from his schedule and training. 

Years of worrying about the elder had shortened his lifespan, he reckoned. 

With too many an occasion of fights in frustration and annoyance at the other’s “reckless” living. 

 

—-

(How does ANYONE live with such a lack of concern about his health?

_but you drink like a fish and eat like a pig, Changdollie._

_.. *WHACK*_

_OW. Okay, okay, I take it back._

_..*SLAM*_

_Min..? Min…?_

_..*sulks* I can’t sleep on the couch, it’s bad for my back….)_

 

_YOU ARE SLEEPING IN YOUR ROOM, I AM SLEEPING ON THE COUCH AND TOMORROW, I AM GOING BACK TO MY AWESOME APARTMENT, AWAY FROM YOU._

 

_Changmin wakes up in the middle of the night, with a slight ache in his back. Damn couch was too soft. Damn Jung. Bane of his existence, bane of his body. He was SO going to return in the morning to his comfortable king-sized bed. He rolls over to his side and stretches out his legs, wanting to head to the bathroom… and nearly screams in fright when he steps on something soft that emits an “Oomph” in pain._

 

Y..Yunho? What the fuck are you doing on the floor?

_Urgh..You stepped on my eye, I think._

Fuck, what? Let me see..

 

_He kneels on the floor beside the groaning 1.84cm long-lump that was curled up beside the couch and pulls away the duvet._

 

_Yunho is holding the side of his head, bleary eyes staring up at Changmin._

_Changmin moves his hand away and peers inside Yunho’s eye._

 

It looks fi..ARGH. _Y_

 

_Yunho has pulled him down so that he was now half on top of him, faces barely inches away from each other._

 

YU..

_I’m sorry alright. I can’t sleep without you._

 

_Changmin feels something inside of him give; he stares down into the twin pools of dark brown thatalways make him feel like he could lose himself for eternity if he stares too long._

 

I feel like smacking the other side of your head, Jung.

_I feel like kissing you, Shim._

 

2. 

2013

Changmin had only realised how important Yunho was to him when Yunho took him aside after their 10th anniversary concert and made him sit down and face him. At first he thought it was to make out; a plan with which 1) he was always ready for, except that 2) it was such wrong timing because they were surrounded by staff, friends and family just beyond the dressing room door; 3) making out would lead to touching which would lead to .. yeah, and the venue, the venue was really inappropriate. 

 

I’m going to enlist soon.

 

Changmin had thought that maybe he had drunk a bit too much beer too fast on stage, and was hearing things.

 

Changmin ah, I’m going to enlist soon. I wanted you to be the first to know. 

 

_No._

 

Min… I have to. Look, the 10th anniversary is the best time. You can then be free to do all the solo things you want do; weren’t you talking about a blues album or something?

 

_No._

 

Min..

 

_No. Not now, how_ **_dare_ ** _you spring this on me when I’m all .. when we’re supposed to be celebrating our 10th anniversary? Just.. fuck off, Yunho. You’re not enlisting anytime soon, and don’t you_ **_dare_ ** _enlist without me agreeing!_

 

Changmin remembers storming out, taking a deep breath to calm himself before he plastered a smile to his face and walked out to face the crowd outside. But he also remembers Yunho’s face; sad and hurt, the brown eyes he loved, watching him walk away.

 

—-

He knocks on the door of Yunho’s room a few days later.

 

_Hyung._

Changmin..?

_Listen to me, please. Then you can talk. I checked with the boss, and went to check stuff and everything online. They can delay the enlistment until after our Japanese 10th anniversary in two years’ time and then we can go._

We?

_Yes, are you deaf? We. I’m going too._

What?! Why?

_What? Did you honestly expect me to go on for two years working without you?_

But your solo projects and..

_There’s none. There’s only us. You and me; I_ **_can’t_ ** _complete TVXQ without you. I don’t_ **_want_ ** _to._

Changdola.. no. 

_You can’t force me. I already applied for the early enlistment and talked to Teacher Lee and Kyungjae hyung and everyone. They just want your agreement on this._

..

..

_Hyung, please. Let me go with you._

 

Changmin finds emotion well up in his own eyes, threatening to spill out, as he gazes into the other’s brown orbs full of something mirroring his own. 

 

Come here, baby.

 

Their foreheads lean against each other as their arms weave around each other’s waists. 

 

Don’t cry, Changmin-ah.

_Let me go with you. That’s all I want. Don’t leave me alone._

Okay, I promise. 

 

—-

 

3.

In all, Changmin thinks it is rather unfair that he has to leave so suddenly. He’s pretty sure he has no major regrets; having had his best friends with him for most of his life; having set records, earned millions, all with the best partner and hyung he has ever had. And best of all, he met the love of his life; one who stood by him through so, so much and is still lying here beside him, holding him close, even as he gets colder.

 

He struggles to take a breath; feeling the effects of the medicine course through his veins and settling him down for the long ride ahead into the unknown. They had tried of course, to stave off the inevitable but eventually, Changmin had decided to just make things easy for himself and not force the impossible. Yunho had disagreed naturally, but then seeing Changmin cry again made him agree with his decision. They had then eased him into palliative care, spending the rest of his numbered days together, in bittersweet happiness. 

 

Hyung, I’m sorry.

_Why, baby?_

That I’m going so soon. I know we wanted to grow old and die together but someone’s gotta make sure heaven’s got your gastric medication on hand.

_..I won’t have gastric in heaven._

Knowing you, you would.

_I had you for almost my whole life, baby. I’m more than thankful and blessed. Don’t apologise._

 

Yunho can hardly speak, his tears are pouring freely downhis face.

Changmin is crying too, but he smiles, reaching up a frail hand to wipe at Yunho’s tears.

 

_Thank you._

For what?

_For choosing me._

I had no choice; you were the only one who stayed.

 

Changmin summons up enough strength to lightly smack Yunho on the side of his head.

 

I love you.

_I love you too._

 

Changmin closes his eyes, feeling the pull of darkness get stronger. He feels Yunho’s arms around his waist. And then a soft whisper. 

 

Changdolie, I’m actually glad you’re going first now.

 

_Why?_

 

I promised years ago that I would not leave you alone.I would rather go through this of not having you; than to have you go through it alone. 

 

Changmin feels a final tear drop as he tries to clutch Yunho closer; as much as he can for the last time. He fights to hang on for the last few minutes.

 

Baby, 

 

Yunho swallows, almost unable to see Changmin through the blur of his own tears. 

It’s your turn to promise me one thing, ok?

 

Changmin listens, unable to do anything else. He’s falling into the deepest sleep of all but he hears Yunho’s last words, and stays awake enough to look once into the fading dark brown eyes he has loved for most of his life, kissing the lips he has etched into his soul and exhaling his final breath into a word in answer. And then he closes his eyes. 

 

Promise me you’ll wait for me to come after. 

_Always._

 


End file.
